He said, She said…an idea to stop divorce

“If you don’t stop treating me like this, I’m gone!”, he said. “You never put me or the kids first, I can’t keep living like this!”, she said. These kinds of conversations happen in marriages everywhere. Somewhere along the way, things get crossways between a husband and a wife and they argue. It seems the norm today is to just give up on your marriage when things aren’t working as they should. Why is it that divorce is so prevalent? Why does it seem that everywhere you look marriages are breaking apart.?


Not just young marriages either. People who have been together for years are beginning to just quit on their marriage. Without remorse or sorrow. They simply leave. Without regard to consequences or hurt…they’re gone.

It’s really hard to understand.

Now, here’s something easy to understand…no one is perfect! Marriage, on it’s best terms will take work. But I believe firmly that marriages don’t  have to end in divorce.

Marriages were meant to last a lifetime; and that includes yours.

Don’t take me wrong…no condemning here. Wherever you find yourself on the marriage spectrum, you can’t go back. If you’re on your second or third or whatever. You can’t change what’s happened in the past. But I have to believe that you don’t want your current marriage to end in divorce. No one goes into a marriage with that mindset.

You’re hoping and praying for the best…and if your current marriage isn’t your first one…you’re hoping this time things work out differently. Why? Because what you really want down deep inside is simply to be happy.

Let me go ahead and say this too…”you can’t help what someone else chooses”. You may not have been the one that chose divorce. Maybe you fought against it with everything you had. You did the right thing.

Fighting for your marriage relationship is the right thing!

If you’re married right now, there may be times when stuff doesn’t go as you planned. You’re going to be tempted to get angry. You may fight. But in the middle of all that…choose your words carefully.

Why? Because words are powerful.

My wife and I have been married for nearly 18 years now. Really, she’s my best friend! We’ve been together as a couple for around 24 years (we dated a long time! And found each other young). One of the things we’ve discovered, and that other older couples have told us, is the thought I want to leave you with today…


  • Never, under any circumstances, use the word  divorce

    – When you put this one little word into your vocabulary you are setting yourself up from the start. It’s going to get easier and easier to use it. You’ll start to throw it around as a threat. It becomes something you are accustomed to thinking about. Finally, divorce becomes a viable option.

Here’s what I know:

What you think about consistently, will become an action in your life. Thoughts become actions. That’s just how we work.

If divorce is something that’s always in the back of your mind, you’ll eventually act on it more than likely. So decide to never let it become an option. Determine between you and your spouse to never use that word. Don’t think about that word. Don’t let divorce be an option.

Listen…I’ll say again…you can’t determine someone else’s choice; but you can determine yours! Don’t let divorce be an option in your mind, your heart, or your vocabulary.

Question: What do you do to keep your marriage strong?

Help someone out…leave an answer in the comments box or in the Facebook comments below. Who knows, your comment may be someone’s key!

Also, if this post has helped you or if you think it’ll help someone else…would you consider sharing it?

Larry Shankle is a pastor, author, and blogger. He helps people get clarity and direction in their calling, purpose, dreams, and leadership.

Larry and his wife (Amanda) live in the Arkansas river valley with their two boys (Braxton and Dawson). He has spent almost two decades in active local church ministry serving in multiple leadership roles. Larry has spent the last six and a half years serving as Lead Pastor of GrandviewChurch in Natural Dam, AR.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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